Self-Care for Female Leaders: The Power and Pitfalls of a ’Full On’ Mindset

That was me in ballet class, in the early 1990’s. It is a poignant photo for me; I recognize my ardent younger self soaring through the air in top form.  I am in my ‘full on’ mode.

The dictionary defines ‘full on’ as:

• Running at or providing maximum power or capacity
• To make a direct or significant impact

As a dancer ‘full on’ was my default setting – always giving 100%, powering through exhaustion, illness or any other imaginable setback. It didn’t matter if you had the flu (I once performed 3 consecutive shows in one night with a high fever), your boyfriend left you, or you were about to get kicked out of your flat with nowhere to go -
‘The Show Must Always Go On’ – no excuses.

So how did I cope?  To sustain my ‘full-on’ attitude, determination and persistence became my allies. I learned to adapt to the unexpected – from unheated theaters to frantically shopping in a foreign country to replace all of our props and décor when our truck got stuck at the border. Whatever the challenge, what kept me running at maximum power was passion and commitment to the performance itself and the impact it had on the audience.

This capacity to function in ‘full-on’ mode continued to serve me well after I transitioned out of the dance world. As a communication trainer I was able to put in 10 hour training days, with minimal time to eat, followed by several hours of travel to get home. I founded one of the first wedding planning companies in The Netherlands and worked long hours – dashing from event locations to client meetings to vendor appointments, rarely pausing to take a breath, believing that for a solo female entrepreneur the workday had no boundaries.

And by the way, at age 42 I had just given birth to a baby girl.

Inevitably I had to face the truth.  Lying on the bed in my hotel room during a short training break one day, I realized that I was completely depleted. I had been able to hide it from myself and others by functioning on my ‘spare battery’. Because my main source of energy and well-being had long since vanished.
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My ‘full on’ mindset was no longer serving me. It had made me strong and successful, but it also forced me to disconnect from my own needs and the needs of my family for the sake of getting a show up and running – whether it was a dance performance, a training program or a wedding celebration. 

The lessons I took from the ‘full on’ Lisa have shaped my ideas about how to support women’s leadership development. I am a staunch advocate of self-care practice as a pillar of effective leadership. It’s about giving ourselves permission to set boundaries about tasks and responsibilities, devote time to nurturing our physical and mental well-being, and a capacity to periodically check-in with ourselves to sense what needs attention so that we can function consistently with a high level of responsibility.

For many women, embracing self-care as a way of life can be a difficult journey. It may mean letting go of certain identities or beliefs, or facing up to a ‘survival strategy’ that has long ago stopped working. Coaching provides a way for women leaders to take charge of their own well-being, helping them to explore what leadership in alignment with taking care of themselves looks like.
The outcome?

• Increased energy and focus
• Clarity about self-care needs in the context of leadership
• Resilience in the face of setbacks
• Ease of boundary setting regarding workload and availability
• Role-modelling the value of self-care to enhance performance

As a call to action, I want to share one of my favorite quotes from self-care advocate Katie Reed:
'Give the world the best of you, not what’s left of you.’
 
 This article is part of a series highlighting one of the 8 areas of focus: 'Self-Care Practice' on the Female Leadership Wheel™ a unique coaching tool designed in partnership with TCOInternational to support women in their leadership development.  

Check out my previous article:  Delighted to be here! How Women can Emotionally Prepare for Successful Negotiations

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